I don’t know how many times I have heard pro-lifers say “a woman who has an abortion is just taking the easy way out.”
Excuse me?
I’ll say right up front that I have very little patience when someone opines about a situation that they have never been in themselves. It is way too easy to sit back and pontificate about the rest of the world, to look at the world through cookie cutter eyes and say that this is the way things should be.
I don’t care if you are living in the South Bronx and your parents are on crack. If you just get off of your butt and work hard you too can become a millionaire! Easier said than done.
I don’t care if your hormones are raging like a wildfire, you just can’t have sex until you get married. Easier said than done.
I don’t care if you had unprotected sex and the boy has disappeared and your parents are pressuring you to have an abortion. You go have that child and do the best you can. Easier said than done.
Let’s look at this more closely.
A woman has unprotected sex. She goes home that night and immediately starts thinking about the chance she took. She then has to wait a few weeks to see if she gets her period. To suggest that she just goes about her daily business without thinking about the potential problem is naïve and insulting to women.
Finally, the time arrives and her period does not come. Now, she really starts to panic. She talks to the man who was involved, if he is still around, she may talk to her parents or a girlfriend. She decides that this is an anomaly and will wait another month for the next period. It doesn’t come. She gets a pregnancy test and discovers she is pregnant.
Now what? She thinks about her options (which she has already been thinking about for two months). She is Catholic, so she is very concerned about an abortion. She lives with her parents, has no visible means of support, can not imagine giving birth to a child. Her parents, who she finally told, want her to get an abortion because they don’t want to be responsible for raising the child.
Ultimately, she decides to have an abortion. She goes through the Yellow Pages and sees numerous listings for abortion clinics, but she doesn’t know anything about them. She has heard that there are “abortion mills” out there that harm women. Which ones are the mills? She calls several clinics and has different reactions. The longer she waits, the more money it costs to have an abortion.
She finally decides and makes the appointment. That morning she goes in, runs through a gauntlet of anti-abortion protestors screaming “Don’t kill your baby”, and makes it to the waiting room in an agitated state of mind. She sees the counselor and is finally brought to the surgery room. She is shown pictures of fetal development that are required by the state and can see that there is a semblance of a baby there. She goes ahead with the abortion.
After the abortion, she goes home to rest. She starts thinking “what if” she had had the baby? Has she done the right thing? She may wonder about it for years and years. She may ultimately come to regret her decision.
And this is “taking the easy way out?”

April 22, 2010 at 5:55 pm
My hatred of abortion DOES take precedence in my thinking (hence how I found this blog), and it always seems to me that your hatred for pro-life takes precedence in your thinking.
But you missed my point.
Have you ever told anyone that having an abortion is ok? a good choice? I’m sure you have consoled SOMEONE over this matter.
I mean, I have “coerced” someone into keeping their child. Am I wrong for that?
LikeLike
April 22, 2010 at 6:09 pm
Some bad clinics have been known to “coerce” women, i.e., persuade them to have an abortion.
LikeLike
April 22, 2010 at 6:11 pm
On another thread, I asked CG a direct question and he/she has yet to answer it. I find it interesting because he always accuses pro-lifers of not answering questions.
At 22 weeks, is it a baby? An abortion at 22 weeks – is that killing?
LikeLike
April 27, 2010 at 4:24 am
Very interesting comments. I happened to come across this site accidentally and was curious to see what people had to say.
I feel that I am part of a dying breed in this day and age because I not only am a pro-lifer, but I also believe that sex is a highly intimate expression of love and commitment that should be enjoyed within a marriage (Pat, I can understand the raging hormones – my husband and I were together for 4 years before we were married and consummated our relationship. No easy task, but no regrets, either).
That’s not to say that I support obnoxious picketing in front of abortion clinics where people are being screamed at. If pro-lifers want to be passionate about their convictions they need to show COMpassion – hand out your literature by those abortion clinics and encourage those who may have the procedure done to consider an alternative. As the old saying goes, “You’ll attract more flies with honey.”
To Meg – yes, at 22 weeks it is a baby, so yes, it would be killing. At conception it’s a baby. It’s a life. It is already being fed from its mother, growing, and developing. Who’s to say when the embryo makes the transition from “thing” to “baby”? Meg, I am sorry to hear that you had a bad experience with your abortion. I see you look back upon it as a mistake, but I hope you don’t beat yourself up over it anymore. I appreacite your comments.
On a different note: How often are men’s feelings considered when abortion is talked about? I’m not talking about one-night-stand guys who could care less, but decent guys who are committed to their partners. “It’s your body. It’s a woman’s right to choose.” It’s not that cut-and-dry. Yes, what took a guy a few moments to help conceive a woman will have to carry around for 9 months (and, as a mother of 2, I know the joys AND discomforts of pregnancy). I’m not really sure what the answer is. I just think back to when I was in college and I had to make a persusive speech in my public speaking class. I chose abortion as my topic from a pro-lifer’s viewpoint. In doing research I came across a video that followed a few different women to an abortion clinic and documented their experiences from beginning to end. 4 out of the 5 women went through with the abortion. One had no regrets right away. The others didn’t seem so relieved. One girl in her 20s came in with her boyfriend. He didn’t want her to have the abortion, but she felt it was for the best, so he wanted to support her. When the procedure was done and they left the clinic, the girl didn’t seem so thrilled with her decision. Her boyfriend was crying. I’ll never forget that image. Thanks for reading my ramblings everyone :).
LikeLike
April 27, 2010 at 9:44 am
Thank you very much, Tara, for your comments. I appreciate your commitment to the issue and your feelings although, of course, I disagree with your bottom line.
As for the involvement of men, I can’t prove it but I have the feeling that most men do get involved in the decision. Sure, if it’s a guy who looks at things like “wham, bam, thank you m’am”, he’ll probably disappear. But I’m an old romantic, I like to think that when people have sex it means something and, should that woman get pregnant, most men would be very responsible and they would both come up with a mutually agreeable decision. At the end of the day, however, especially if the man disagrees with the woman, it is up to the woman.
LikeLike
April 27, 2010 at 11:18 am
Tara and Pat, here’s from a guy: First, read Elaine Morgan’s “The Descent of Man” to understand that for the most part we are primates who seek the mother who rejected us when she had to start caring for the next baby when we were two years old. In the aftermath of a disaster, children go looking for their mothers and mothers go looking for their children. Men go looking for their wives, just like the children go looking for their mothers.
So, when my mother talked about spending ninety-nine months in a maternity smock, my father could joke that having eleven kids was the best five minutes of his life. Having been in a divorced and non-custodial men’s support group for its entire existence, I feel that certainly the guys I hung around with weren’t looking toward being a father again.
Guys have widely individual approaches to their women having an abortion, but you can bet the so-called “pro-lifers” will seize only on those tales which will grip the emotions of their intended audicence. The movement is after all just a PR effort.
In my own case, I was not notified until afterward that my girl friend had had an abortion. I was not consulted– and I was not even sure I was the incipient father– but I sent her my share of the expense. She remarked at how unsettling it was to be in a waiting room with so many 16-year-old girls. I would have been there with her if I’d been asked, but she was a mature woman who had probably read Morgan, and I had no problem with either her decision or her exclusion of me.
LikeLike
April 28, 2010 at 4:35 pm
The movement is NOT ABOUT P.R.
ITS about babies being MURDERED.
LikeLike
April 28, 2010 at 4:33 pm
Not the easy way out for the baby.
The infant probably is just as appreciative of your lack of concern for him/her as you feel about the prolifer regarding you.
LikeLike
April 28, 2010 at 5:04 pm
Ann, it IS about PR– check out this video–
http://web.mac.com/charlesgregory/ABORTICENTRISM/THE_CLOSEST_IT_GETS%3A.html
–which shows how deeply the average so-called “pro-lifer” is committed to care for real human life, and it will give you the hint of the idea that the main work of the movement is to convince women to remain pregnant and to convince society in general that they themselves are heroes.
As a self-proclaimed “pro-lifer,” unless you can demonstrate a proven history of caring for human life you personally did not want to see born, you are asking more of other women than you are willing to do yourself. That’s the abyss between stated belief and actual behavior that indicates the presence of a cognitive dissonance– the tip of an iceberg of dysfunctional self-help.
And the physiological reality of fetal development at the stage at which she had the abortion shows that your characterization of the “baby’s” feellings and thoughts is simply a fabrication. Would you care to discuss why you need to fabricate in such a way? Google aborticentrism to get some basic foreknowledge.
LikeLike
April 29, 2010 at 7:48 am
Anne, in many ways, for the pro-choice and pro-life organizations, it is about PR and it is about fundraising. But, yes, there are individuals in the movement who are committed to the cause.
LikeLike
April 29, 2010 at 11:11 am
And Charles just continues to spout his crap and has yet to tell me if he believes a 22 week abortion constitutes killing a baby. At least Pat is honest and has answered the question very directly. I admire that, as much as it bothers me. And John is right when he says people like Pat are even more dangerous to us because if Pat can be that blunt about abortion and still support it and, worse, convinuce others, then we pro-lifers better watch out. Pat is a very worthy opponent. You, Charles, are a sleazy coward who hides behind your big words, your constant analyses, your blatant marketing of you aborto blog thing. And, I predict, you will respond, Charles, with a non answer as you always do. C’mon, Charles, do it, give me the usual psycho babble stuff and continue to hide from the truth of a 22 week abortion.
LikeLike
April 29, 2010 at 11:49 am
Meg, you didn’t read my post at “Did Precious Ever Consider an Abortion,” or you’d have seen my unequivocal answer. If you did read it, you didn’t want to understand it. I’ve cut and pasted the relevant passage, so you can dump on it without having to put it into any context.
Ann, unless you’re a grandmother who forbade her daughter to get an abortion and are now raising the child, you are one of the many so-called “pro-lifers” who just want to see a movie with a happy ending, but don’t want to pay to produce it. You might be willing to influence women to continue a pregnancy, and in order to do that, you need a good PR program.
LikeLike
April 29, 2010 at 11:50 am
Forgot the paste, Meg:
Therefore, all humanlike organisms are merely humanoid to me until such time as they merit regard as being human. In the case of born people, it is self-evident—they might be Trisomy-13 babies, feral pre-teens, homicidal teenagers or Skid Row derelicts, but society has defined them as human, and as such, they deserve recognition, no matter how much I might reject, despise or fear them.
In the case of unborn humanoid organisms, I look for evidence that there is someone who is in the position to guarantee nurture—which is to say for the most part the pregnant or pregnant-through-surrogacy woman. (Of course, science has proven that it now could be a man, too, as I’ve explained before.) Where that guarantee does not exist, then what I am looking at does not have a chance of becoming human; therefore, what I am looking at, even though I want it to be a baby, is not a baby. And as long as it is not a baby, I cannot arrogate the right of the woman to do with her pregnancy as she wants. And as I am not the one who is pregnant, I am not in a position either to urge or prevent an abortion.
I might very much want it to be a baby, to be my baby, to become human, to nurture it using the skills I know will work. I might weep at its human form, at the gentle backlighting the photographer provided to give it that angelic aura, to mourn the promise and potential destroyed by abortion.
But that is merely to address my own need for comfort and reassurance, not to address that being’s need for nurture and protection once outside the womb. To insist that a child be born to a life of abuse and neglect is to seek to create a comforting myth for myself, that I have saved a human life, when what I have done is sentence a child to a world which Faust asked Mephistopheles to show him as part of his bargain with the Devil.
“Show me Hell,” demanded Faust, and Mephistopheles looked about and replied, “Why, this is Hell, nor am I out of it.”
LikeLike
May 3, 2010 at 6:29 pm
If I were God, I would have a hard time judging Charles, Meg. He is an unhappy man and he wants as many as possible to avoid what he is going through; I, on the other hand, am a happy man, and I want as many as possible to have a chance at happiness too. That’s why he wants to kill, and I want to save, as many people as possible.
LikeLike
May 4, 2010 at 5:38 am
Ooooh! John won’t join a public debate with me on his philosophy and practices, but he’ll dump on me. Too bad he won’t mutually explore why he thinks babies being born without a father in their life are going to be happier than they’d be if he took the absent male’s place in their life. Doing so woudl reduce a lot of juvenile crime, but if John’s operating under the compulsion of aborticentrism, he has to deny responsibility for the outcome of any child he insisted be born. Is such a person being “happy” is happy the way Son of Sam was “happy”?
LikeLike
May 4, 2010 at 7:20 am
oooh, this is getting tense! Boys will be boys.
LikeLike
May 4, 2010 at 8:34 am
Hey! The TV shows with the highest ratings have the panelists yelling at each other. Jerry Springer is not spending his retirement in poverty… A little ratings boost never hurts, Pat….
LikeLike
May 4, 2010 at 11:16 am
Ladies and Gentlemen, I won’t talk publicly to Charles because I learned it’s a waste of time. In private, though, I could make him a pro-lifer in no time.
LikeLike
May 4, 2010 at 2:09 pm
Ah, c’mon, John. I like it when you and Charles fight. C’mon, admit it, you both love it.
LikeLike
May 4, 2010 at 3:53 pm
John Dunkel, arguing via e-mail is like arguing by phone– the one who wants to inflict the highest blood pressure on the other quits first.
To all readers: I have it on reasonably good authority that John has two pets. One is a dog his departed wife picked out years ago, a purebred Cocker Spaniel, very sweet and still quite cute, even at her relatively advanced age. The other is a tabby who’s been around since the time they built the Pyramids and whom their dog respects like the Pharaoh himself.
Now, I’m taking bets on how willing John is to let me care for his pets when he heads to Arizona for Thanksgiving vacation. Whether you vote aye or nay, I’d like to hear your reasons why you think he would or wouldn’t. For the ones John affirms as correct, I will contribute $10 to the family planning clinic of your choice (LifeCare and its variants are excluded, since they are not run professionally).
LikeLike
May 4, 2010 at 7:45 pm
Par, and others — now do you wonder why I refuse to talk to Charles in public? Responding to such doggerel is simply impossible. In private, though, I could say thing that would snap Charles out of his brown study. I could make him make sense, I know I could.
LikeLike