My twenty year old son is an amazing kid. He graduated number three in his high school class, he is an accomplished musician (he has played with the National Symphony Orchestra) and he is a great golfer (shoots in the 70’s). In his first two years of college, he made the Dean’s List every semester. Knock on wood, has never gotten into any serious trouble. And, having said all of that, I feel a need to add that he is not a nerd! Indeed, he is 6’4” tall, blond hair and blue eyes. The girls love him. This fall he will be attending the University of Virginia where he is majoring in political science.
For the last few months, my son has been dating a woman his age who attends the University of Maryland. She is majoring in music (she plays the harp). She is a carbon copy of my son, just another kid who has an incredible future.
Although they don’t want to admit it, come this fall they will probably start to go their separate ways. Despite the future (or perhaps because of it), it is obvious that things are heating up for them sexually. Indeed, my son has told me as much. It’s his first real serious affair. Several weeks ago, when she visited our house overnight, they slept in the same room. Yes, it made me feel very weird. No, check that. I was FREAKED OUT. But, I told myself that they are both twenty years old and I gotta just get used to the idea that they are going to have some kind of sex. So, I didn’t say anything.
Okay, I can hear you born again types screaming: “They should not be having sex! What kind of parent are you?” Well, until you are in my shoes, don’t give me any crap. Maybe in your day it was normal to not have sex until you married that person but get real, folks.
Actually, my son learned a lot about sex in high school, certainly more than I ever did. Because they taught him so much, my spouse and I never really had “the talk” with him because he is light years ahead of where I was at his age. Yes, I have told him that if he ever gets his girlfriend pregnant I will absolutely kill him and he just laughs, as if to suggest that it’s something that would never happen.
The other night he informed us that he was going to her house and that he had to buy some condoms. I almost lost my lunch, but I kept my cool, being the 21st century hip parent, and just mumbled something like “well, go to the pharmacy.” He hesitated and asked how did he actually buy the condom, that is, was it on the shelves or did he have to ask the pharmacist? We told him he could just pick them off the shelves and he left to get them. I had a quick gin and tonic.
Now, I don’t know if anything happened that night. And I didn’t ask. I remember him telling me that his girlfriend was on birth control pills, so I was proud of him that he would be using “double protection.” But then I started thinking….
What if 7 weeks later, he came to me and said that his girlfriend was pregnant? For one thing, I know he would be in tears while he told me the news. But, as we know, accidents do happen. And, yes, I know, I know, I know – they probably should not be having sex to begin with but these are two amazing kids who, like so many others, are merely acting on their urges and who took extraordinary precautions. They actually felt they were being responsible.
And the anti-abortion movement would have me look into my son’s eyes and tell him that he is going to be a father and so he better start thinking about leaving school and finding some kind of job? Of course, the decision would ultimately be up to his girlfriend, but what if her parents had the same opinion? It would mean that these two young children who, yes, took a risk, but also took extraordinary precautions would now have their lives changed forever. And that would happen because some people out there think that a 7 week fetus is worth “saving?”
Are you folks out of your friggin minds?
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